And now some computer humor

"Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity."

"Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface."

"Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools." — Gene Brown.

"Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users ?"

"Making fun of AOL users is like making fun of the kid in the wheel chair."

"I went to a gentleman's cybercafe — and they offered me a 'laptop dance'."

"I have NOT lost my mind — I have it backed up on tape somewhere."

"What do you mean by 'RAM DISK is not an installation procedure' ?"

"See daddy ? All the keys are in alphabetical order now."

"If you can't beat your computer at chess, do what I did — try kick-boxing."

"Ooops. My brain just hit a bad sector."

"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..."

"Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue..."

"You know you're a geek when... You try to shoo a fly away from the monitor with your cursor."

"I rigged my cellular to send a message to my PDA, which is online with my PC, to get it to activate the voicemail, which sends the message to the inbox of my email, which routes it to the PDA, which beams it back to the cellular. Then I realized my gadgets have a better social life than I do !"

"Remember when...? A computer was something on TV from a science fiction show. A window was something you hated to clean and RAM was the cousin of a goat... Meg was the name of my girlfriend and gig was your middle finger upright. Now they all mean different things and that really mega bytes. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. Memory was something that you lost with age. A CD was a bank account. And if you had a 3 1/2" floppy you hoped that nobody found out. Compress was something you did to the garbage not something you did to a file. And if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for awhile. Log on was adding wood to the fire. Hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived and a backup happened to your commode. Cut you did with a pocket knife. Paste you did with glue. A web was a spider's home and a virus was the flu. I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper and the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash but when it happens they wish they were dead !"

"Apple computer are easy to use. It's also easy to stick your hand in a wood chipper."

"ASCII and ye shall receive."

"Will the information superhighway have any rest stops ?"

"The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents."

"Some things Man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google."

"Computer security." — Oxymoron

"The only truly secure computer is one buried in concrete, with the power turned off and the network cable cut."

"My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier."

"Old lie — The check is in the mail.
New lie — I didn't check the e-mail." — Brian Fine.

"Windows 95 /n./ 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."

"Ever notice how fast Windows runs ?
— Neither did I."

"If you don't know where you want to go, we will make sure you get there." — Microsoft slogan translated in Japanese.

"In a world without walls and fences, who needs Windows and Gates ?" — Dino Esposito.

"Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight." — Bill Gates.

"The only people who have anything to fear from free software (such as GNAT) are those whose products are worth even less." — David Emery.


"Why should I press the Start button to turn the computer off ?" — A Win95 user.

"People say Microsoft paid 14M$ for using the Rolling Stones song 'Start me up' in their commercials. This is wrong. Microsoft payed 14M$ only for a part of the song. For instance, they didn't use the line 'You'll make a grown man cry'."

"Microsoft Works." — Oxymoron

"I had a fortune cookie the other day and it said: 'Outlook not so good'. I said: 'Sure, but Microsoft ships it anyway'."

"Mac users swear by their Mac,
PC users swear at their PC."

"'Intel Inside' is a Government Warning required by Law."

"Q: How many Bill Gates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None, he just defines Darkness™ as the new industry standard..."

Customer: "I'm running Windows '98"
Tech: "Yes."
Customer: "My computer isn't working now."
Tech: "Yes, you said that."

"People who think MS-DOS & Windows are the slickest thing since sliced butter should be forced to wear a sign stating 'This mind intentionally left blank'."

"Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something."

"Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail."

"Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows."